Dear Sharon: Sometimes I feel like the fashion world speaks another language. Could you please explain what a batwing is and why it is modern? Is there a new breed of nocturnal flying mammals or is bat hide suddenly chic? - Interpreter Of Style (Calabasas, CA)


Dear Interpreter Of Style: OOOOOmoigawd (the constant sound of shock uttered from the very glossed-Vaseline-like-lips of dedicated followers of fashion)! I'm loving (an emotion that can reach no higher plane) that you could possibly be left out of the hoop (right now, a thin large gold earring) on such a fresh (embryonic), cute (sooo likeable it's beyond adorable), important (as if you could under-rate it), and of the moment (time passes ever so quickly) look!

Whew! I'm just all over (finished, kaput) fashion speak…it can be exhausting.

Yes, my girly (feminine) glutton for glamour, the batwing (akin to dolman… we'll explain later) sleeve rules for kicking (baby has legs) fashion insiders (the ones that get the latest poop before you).

Like the poncho of last fall, this fad (perish the thought) is absolutely right now and will be O.O.D. (my lingo for out of date) before the season is over. So best get it soon, before the masses take it on and no person in their full fashionable mind would bother with something so five minutes ago (a has been trend). Oy.

Every industry has its own peculiar set of buzzwords. The more imbedded you are in its zeal, the more credence its jargon has to you.

Hereunto, Berlitz does not offer a quick study in conversational Fashion. So, I have taken the liberty to provide you with a few crib notes to sound like a stylishly slamming diva (being more fabulous than one could handle):

Batwing or dolman sleeve: A cape like sleeve with a very wide armhole that starts from above your waist and tapers to the wrist that is being touted as "new" again.

Inspired by: It is not a copy, it's an interpretation. A term mostly used to describe a style or collection (group of clothes from one designer) that resembles some remembrance of vintage chic (old again can be new again), but not a direct knock off (cheap imitation).

Very Dynasty: Salutes Aaron Spelling's 80's hit television show that is now a hallmark of fashion's return to glamorous excess.

Fashionista: One whom immerses oneself in the latest of the greatest.

Donna, Calvin, Helmut, Ralph, Donatella, and Tommy: It's very insidery to reference a designer by first name. So, that's Karan, Klein, Lang, Lauren, Versace, and Hilfigger respectively.

Prada, Gucci, Fendi, Chanel, and Hermes: When it is "The House of," refer to only the sir name.

Key Look: Definitive style of a season.

Mock Croc: Fake or faux crocodile, in any rendition, crocodile is the texture of choice for fall.

Pleather: A hybrid fabrication of plastic + leather.

Kitten Heel: Sculpted, ladylike shoe heel of about 2 inches in height.

Dirty Denim: A jean finish so rugged that it looks filthy-- pretty cool (hip) right now.

Genius: The most sublime perfection. As in, "Helmut's modern sense of simplicity is genius."

Screams: Blatantly sources a dated style. Heard on a television makeover segment, "Kill that thick black hose, it screams early 90's."

Jeu jeune: Playfully alluring. Commonly overheard on photo shoots, "With the ruffled blouse and her hair up, she's sooooo jeu jeune."

Root lifter: Hair styling product to add va-va-va-voom (body) to skimpy locks.

Flawless: More beautiful than nature could render, thanks to a good foundation (cosmetic base) and fabulous makeup artist.

Fashion may sound like speaking in tongue to some, but to all those "think out of the box," "flow-charting," R.O.I. (return on investment) palavers, your lingo can sound just as silly to those not knowledgeable. Bla-bla-bla. Style on!

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