Sponge Bob may be the hottest thing to hit the airwaves rightnow, but that doesn't make for a case to enter a Bikini Bottom look-alike contest.

So we have.

Globbed on the gook. Rubbed in the cream. Ingested the herbs. Loffahed our loins. Guzzled gallons of water. Rolled in coffee grounds. Spent thousands on salon treatments. Cursed relatives for passing on crummy genes. Have had more treatment massages than at a Jiffy Wax Jamboree.

Not to mention, exercise till the cows come home.

And the cellulite remains.

Well, here's a new clinically proven method to rid skin of that hideous orange peel appearance. Micromassage Magic is a line of compression pantyhose and exercise tights that fight cellulite.

Its exclusive wave mesh fabric uses your natural body movements to "micromassage skin and adipose tissue while stimulating microcirculation that has been damaged by cellulite and favoring drainage of fluids, one of the main causes of blemishing orange peel," the company claims.

If all else fails, you'll look slimmer while wearing Micromassage Magic because they suck you in like nobody's business!!!
--August 6, 2001